This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
