well you can't waste a boner
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
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Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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