First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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