I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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