Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
