Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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