How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
