I wish I could teleport
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize