I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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