After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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