what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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