I wish I could punch you in the face.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
