Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
