A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
