Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
