I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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