If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
