is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she peed on how many people?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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