Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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