its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Randomize
