I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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