So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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