I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
