cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
