the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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