Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
