my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
