HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
