Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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