A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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