We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
