remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
