I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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