I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
