I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
