It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
this is an emotional support booty call
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize