you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
