i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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