Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
