I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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