ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
