My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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