Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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