Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
