Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
