listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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