I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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