dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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