Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
bring money and cleavage
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
