How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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