Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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