How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
