My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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