I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
