Four minutes until I can fart!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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