You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
