you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
