Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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