how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
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